Love Is A Mystery
by ennisjackgal
Summary: Set after Sherlock's return. Harry Watson pays a visit to Baker Street and sees the tension between two men who have fallen in love and don't know how to tell each other.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

John watched Sherlock leave the room and rubbed his forehead. This couldn't go on for much longer; being around his flatmate so much was driving him crazy and he didn't know how to stop it.

It had been two months since Sherlock's return, after an absence of two years. Things had been very rocky at first, with John being angry at Sherlock for keeping him in the dark. But even though they were now more or less where they had been before, something had changed.

He knew what it was; he'd missed his friend far more than he'd thought. It was only upon Sherlock's surprise return that he had realised how he'd truly felt. This was far more than just missing a friend, even a close one like Sherlock. He wasn't sure what to do about this; hadn't he always maintained that he wasn't gay? How many girlfriends had he had in his life? Quite a number, as far as he could remember. Or was that a sign of him being in denial?

But when he looked at Sherlock now, he knew deep down that he had never felt like this before. He hadn't even been hurt too much as woman after woman left him due to his close relationship with Sherlock. He'd failed to explain that he and the detective needed each other, but wondered if it would have done any good anyway.

His thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell ringing; he knew that Mrs Hudson was out so he headed down the stairs to answer it. Sherlock appeared just after he'd left, watching John with an expression of sadness and confusion. John wasn't the only one battling with feelings around here lately, but at least John could understand such things. Sherlock had no idea what was going on inside him.

John pulled the door open and came face to face with his sister. "Harry?" he asked, not expecting to see her. She grinned.

"Hey, little brother," she replied, looking well. She hadn't had a drink for a long time and was even in a new relationship; he was proud of her. "Been a while, huh?"

"Sure has. Um...come on in," he invited her, and she kissed him on the cheek. "So what brings you here?"

"Well..." she started, looking hesitant. "There was a flood at my flat after that storm and so my landlord told us all to find somewhere to sleep for the next day or so. Nothing major was damaged, except the walls. So they have to be redone. I got my stuff with me," she added, indicating the suitcase. He smiled fondly when he saw that it was pink; it was just like the one during his first case with Sherlock, when their bond had been formed.

"Alright. Well, we can only offer you the couch and I warned you about Sherlock playing the violin at three in the morning. If you think you can handle that..."

She laughed. "It'll be fine. How is he?" she asked as they climbed the stairs.

"He's alright, considering what's happened. He's no longer wanted by the police, it all got cleared up."

"Yeah, you said on your blog," she reminded him. "I saw it. Seems like you two are doing okay now," she observed, and he nodded. Female intuition told her that there was something more to this; John still seemed sad despite having his best friend back. She wondered what was going on there.

She got her answer as soon as they reached the flat; John's face practically lit up when he saw Sherlock standing there drinking coffee. "Sherlock? Harry's here..."

"Oh," replied the detective and he even shook her hand, raising a small smile. He at least wanted to make the effort for John. "Harry...good to see you," he told her, and she knew he was observing her.

"Yes, I'm still clean," she said to him, smirking.

"And...a new relationship?" he asked, glancing at her wrist. "Your birthday was two weeks ago and you're wearing what is clearly a new bracelet."

John smiled affectionately at this; they did get along in their own way. "Anyway, there was a flood at her flat and her landlord has to get it sorted. She managed to save her stuff, though. She needs a place to sleep for a few days."

Sherlock nodded; Harry was John's sister, so there was no way he could refuse her this. He was always trying to show John how much he had changed, and he knew that John appreciated it. "Of course," he said with a nod, and he was rewarded with a thankful look from his flatmate. He didn't understand what was going on with him at the moment; things had been strange ever since he came back. He remembered John's reaction when he'd turned up at Baker Street out of the blue.

"_You bastard!" John yelled at him, striking out. "Don't you ever pull a stunt like that again!"_

"_John, calm down," Sherlock tried to placate him, ignoring his stinging cheek. He'd deserved that. "John..." He awkwardly put his arms around his trembling friend; John initially tried to fight him off but soon gave him, slumping against Sherlock's chest. _

"_Don't do that again..." he said quietly, hanging onto his friend. Sherlock swallowed and nervously rubbed his back._

"_I won't," he replied in a strangled voice._

It had been in that moment, during the awkward yet emotional reunion, that things had changed. Both of them were aware of what they thought were new feelings, or maybe the feelings had been there all along. But they both remained convinced that nothing would come of it, so the tension was leaking into their recently repaired friendship.

Harry could see this now, looking at them together. It was plain as day how they felt about each other, so she wondered why they weren't together yet. Maybe they both thought they were alone in feeling this way. She smiled to herself; maybe she could be of some use while she was here.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Harry decided to put her plan into action just after lunch; Sherlock was busy doing experiments so she coaxed her brother into taking a walk with her. She wanted to get him alone.

They headed for Paddington Street Gardens and sat down on the nearest bench; it was clear to Harry that she would have to make an intervention if anything was going to happen.

"So," she prompted, trying to sound nonchalant. "You already know about my love life at the moment. My girlfriend's called Danielle, if you want to know. But what about you? Any girls at the moment?"

John shook his head. "No, not since...before...you know. The last one was Jeanette."

"Ah, the boring teacher?" she asked with a grin, remembering John telling her how Sherlock had described the woman as such.

"Yeah," John replied, feeling a surge of affection for his flatmate. If he was honest, he was glad that this wasn't an issue anymore. But he knew exactly who he wanted to be with.

"What about...Sherlock?" Harry asked gently, looking at him carefully. He shook his head.

"No, he's still single. Probably always will be..."

"Unless someone were to...do something about that," she replied, and he looked at her. She smirked. "John, it's plain as day. Don't insult my intelligence by pretending you have no idea what I'm talking about."

He looked at her fearfully; if she had noticed, did that mean Sherlock had too? "Well...nothing will ever come of it, surely. He told me he's married to his work, and...not interested. He thinks the whole thing's dull."

"People can change, John. Look at me," she reasoned. "You know what I used to be like. I lost Clara because of my own stupidity; I don't want that to happen to you." She put a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe Sherlock is more inclined to this than you think."

"He doesn't...he's not interested in relationships," John admitted, though it pained him to do so. "If I tell him, he'll probably say so. And then what? I'll lose my best friend. He means a hell of a lot to me..."

"I know he does; I've seen the way you look at him. It's quite obvious; maybe he's picked up on it too, as observant as he is."

"And he's choosing not to say anything...probably because of how I used to make a scene when people assumed we were a couple. I did it every time...so now it's what I want and I can't even go after it."

He leaned over with his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. "When did it all get so messed up?" he groaned, and she put her arm around him.

"Maybe, on some level...you've always felt like this. It's like that cliché...you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Maybe this is the case here. It was only when you thought he was dead that you realised what you feel. And you thought it was too late."

"It's too late anyway," John sighed. "He just...he thinks that love is some kind of weakness. A disadvantage. And you know what? Maybe he's right...if it happened, then it would hurt even more if something happened to one of us."

"John...even if you never get together you'll still feel like this. So it'll hurt anyway," she informed him. "I don't know...when I arrived earlier, I saw the way he looked at you. And he was perfectly pleasant to me. Like he's trying to impress you. Surely that's something to think about?"

"Maybe it's just guilt for leaving me alone," John mused. He just couldn't let himself hope that his friend might feel the same. It was just too much to hope for.

"You know you don't believe that. You're just trying not to get your hopes up," Harry mused, smiling at him. "Look...there are two options. Either things stay the way they are and you end up constantly wondering what might have been. Say something happens to Sherlock and you're alone again, this time for good. You will always wonder what might have happened if you'd told him."

"And what's the other...?"

"You tell him how you feel," she said simply. "And either he turns you down and you can put it behind you, or...it turns out he feels the same and you find something really special. It could be everything you've ever been looking for. And if he does say no, I have faith that he'll at least be tactful about it. He's changed now...he won't mock you."

John looked out over the gardens; she had a point. But he wondered if Sherlock would even believe him, as resistant to the idea as he used to be. "I don't know," he said eventually, leaning back. "It's a hell of a lot to think about...I've never...with a guy before..."

"I know. Until Clara, I'd only been with guys. I guess some people don't get these feelings until they meet one particular person. For me, it was her. For you..."

"It's my crazy flatmate," he replied, smiling a little. "I guess I could do worse...and probably not better..." That was true; none of the women made him feel like Sherlock did.

"He does care about you," Harry told him; she was certain of that. "So...are you going to tell him?"

John bit his lip. "I don't know yet," he admitted. "I need to get this through my head first, before I can..."

"Alright. Take your time. Are you heading back to the flat, or what?"

"No, I think I'll stay out for a bit," he replied, and she nodded.

"Okay, but be careful. Or Sherlock will have my head because I left you alone. Next thing you know, it'll be in the fridge."

He smiled and watched her leave, thinking things over. He knew that she was right; maybe something good would come of it if he admitted his feelings to his flatmate. But he had so much to lose and wasn't sure it was entirely worth it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Harry made her way back to Baker Street and was let in by Mrs Hudson, who had clearly just returned from her shopping trip. After a brief chat, she went upstairs to find Sherlock at the kitchen table looking into a microscope. She bit her lip; he didn't like to be disturbed when working but she honestly thought it would be for the best if they talked. It was clear to her that he too was experiencing certain feelings and probably had no idea how to process them.

"Are you going to just stand there or tell me what's on your mind?" Sherlock asked, glancing up at her. She smiled.

"Well, I don't want to disturb you..." He shook his head.

"It's no trouble. Just occupying myself." He peered at her. "There's something you wish to talk about, but you're hesitating because you're not sure if I want to co-operate."

"Well, yeah," she admitted, leaning against the door frame. "It's about my brother." Sherlock looked away and she tried not to smirk; was he really so obvious? "Sherlock...I've seen the way you've been looking at him."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said carefully. How could she when he barely understood it himself? Such feelings had no place in his mind, as far as he had always maintained. He remembered how Irene had let her feelings get the better of her.

"Yes, you do. You're different from the last time I saw you. Especially when talking to him. I see it in your eyes, Sherlock; the intense look you give him. It doesn't take a genius like yourself to figure it out."

"There is nothing to figure out," he replied. How could he possibly tell John how he felt? There was just no way for it to happen.

Harry moved into his personal space, which she knew would render him incapable of ignoring her. "Sherlock. Look at me..." When he did so, her expression softened. "I won't force you into admitting what we both know, but I will tell you this. It does no good to bottle up your feelings. Take it from someone who knows. I knew when I was quite young that I wasn't as interested in guys as my friends were. But until I met Clara I thought that I was just waiting for the right guy. Then I met her and it all made sense. You see?"

Sherlock looked at her. "Harry, I...I know nothing of what these feelings are. They...they rise up, unbidden, when I look at him. I can't control them and...it unnerves me. At night, I...I..."

She tried to keep a straight face; she had a feeling of what happened when he was asleep and dreaming of John. "Sherlock, this is a perfectly normal reaction. Lots of people unexpectedly fall in love with a friend and have no idea what to do about it. Especially if it's someone of the same sex. Welcome to human emotions," she told him.

"But...he maintains that he has no such interest," Sherlock argued, shaking his head. "People often assume we are a couple and he takes care to make them realise that we are not. The idea...it does not sit well with him."

_You couldn't be more wrong, _she thought wryly. "How do you know that things haven't changed in the last few years? He missed you so much and was so happy when you came back. That might indicate something."

Sherlock got up and folded his arms, looking around at the empty flat. "I hate it when he's not here. It's...lonely, without him telling me off for making a mess or blowing things up. Hearing him walk around..." He sighed and folded his arms defensively; these feelings confused him and he wasn't sure what to do. "Even...if...he reciprocated, there's no guarantee...I have no idea of how to maintain such a relationship. He would grow frustrated and leave." That was his biggest fear for telling John how he felt; losing his best friend.

Harry came up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Sherlock...I know that this is scary. But I also know that...if you do tell him, there's a chance you might actually be happy. If he is where you are...will you take care of him?"

"Of course I will," he replied immediately. "He does not need looking after, but...I will certainly be good to him, as they put it. He...means a lot to me."

"You love him?" she asked softly, and he slowly nodded.

"It's dangerous to have these feelings...if I lose him..."

She sighed; there was just no way to ease his mind about that one.

Their attention was drawn to the sound of the front door closing, followed by footsteps on the stairs. John soon appeared and looked at them both; Harry could practically see the electricity crackling between them. "Um...I need to talk to you," he said to his friend, and glanced at his sister. Harry nodded.

"I'll go and talk to Mrs Hudson for a while. I think you two have a lot to say to each other," she added, smirking slightly.

John stared as she left. "What did she mean? You have something to say to me?"

Sherlock looked at him warily. What if John knew about his feelings and was about to turn him down? "John, I..."

"Wait, Sherlock." He stepped closer. "I, um...I want you to know that you'll always be my best friend. And nothing will ever change that. So because of that-"

"I expected as much," Sherlock replied, turning away and folding his arms. This wasn't supposed to hurt. What was going on inside him? "My feelings for you are not reciprocated."

John blinked; Sherlock had feelings for him? "What did you just say?"

"You heard me, John. I have these...feelings...and you are not on the same page. That's perfectly fine and I somehow knew this would be the case."

John had to smile; how long had they been fooling themselves? "For once in your life...you're wrong."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Sherlock blinked at John's words; what did he mean by that? He turned around to look at his friend, who was smiling at him. "John?"

The doctor stepped closer, looking nervous. "Sherlock, I...I wanted to tell you before. But you know how it was, with people always assuming we were a couple. It got to me because I could barely understand what I was feeling for you. So I felt like...there was a load of pressure, you know?"

Sherlock nodded, trying to understand even though he had no experience in this kind of thing. He was a genius detective and yet he couldn't fathom these feelings. "So...you do have the same feelings that I do?" he asked, feeling hopeful. John smiled wider.

"Yeah, I do. Can't explain it...there's just something that draws me to you. And...I watched so many women leave me because they couldn't get how much I needed you. But to watch you jump...that hurt me. I had nightmares for so long..."

Sherlock had known about this, and hated that he couldn't be there for John during that time. He should have been. "John...you always maintained that you're not interested in men at all."

"And you said you're married to your work," John pointed out. "Guess things change. Listen, I've been thinking...I want to know what you think about all this, Sherlock. You're my best friend and...I don't want to lose you over this..."

Sherlock nodded. "Well...I won't lie to you, John. When you corrected people who assumed we were a couple, it...well, I..."

"Shit," John breathed, rubbing his forehead. "I hurt you, didn't I? I'm sorry, Sherlock...you know I never wanted to do that."

"I know. That's why I never said anything about it. I knew you were uneasy with that assumption and I respected that you didn't want to address the issue with me."

"But I do now," John told him, reaching out and taking his hand. Sherlock looked down in surprise; this was unlike the time they had held hands when running from the police. John was squeezing his fingers gently and he felt a strange kind of warmth unfolding in his stomach. He hadn't felt like this before. "I...whatever this is, I want to at least try. Are you really interested in me?"

Sherlock nodded; he could no longer deny it. "Yes," he said softly. "I never really...not until I met you. It never held any interest for me until recently." He swallowed. "I'm still not sure...how this is supposed to work."

"I know. But fortunately I do, so I can help you. But, Sherlock...I have to know...you won't see this as just an experiment, will you? I know what you're like."

"Of course I won't," Sherlock replied. "I mean...it is fascinating to see how the body responds in such scenarios. Release of endorphins, adrenaline levels and so on. But..." He looked into John's eyes. "It is more than that too."

John smiled at him. "Good. And, um...exactly how far are you willing to go? I thought you weren't interested in...sex?" he asked, the very thought of them engaging in such an act making him feel a little apprehensive. Could they really do this? He didn't see why not as long as they took it slowly.

"Well, I never said I wasn't. I just never thought about it before. But now...if we do embark on a relationship..." Sherlock trailed off, clearly thinking it over. "Could we, um...would this even work?"

"I think so," John replied, nodding. "When I started to say that you'll be my best friend no matter what, I meant...that even if this doesn't work, at least we tried. And I hope we'll still be friends afterwards."

Sherlock nodded; he hoped that he would never lose John regardless of anything else. "I'll still drive you up the wall," he warned, needing John to know what he was getting into. "And you know what I get like when I don't have a case. I'll need to learn all of this new relationship stuff."

"I know. But I just get the feeling...maybe it's meant to happen. We're almost a couple already so it shouldn't be too hard, I reckon. There's just a new aspect to it."

"Right," Sherlock replied, and he let his gaze drift down to John's lips. Would this really be okay?

"It's alright," John said softly, nodding and stepping closer. "I want to." They looked into each other's eyes for a few long seconds, finally allowing their gazes to linger. John had never really appreciated the colour of Sherlock's eyes before; a sort of blue-green with flecks of brown. They were something else.

Knowing that Sherlock was too insecure about himself to initiate anything, John closed the gap between them. He rose up slightly to gently plant his lips on Sherlock's, keeping it chaste for now. He didn't want to scare Sherlock off so soon.

The kiss lasted for a few seconds, and when they broke apart the detective looked a little taken aback. "Well, um...that..."

"Feel good?" John asked, looking hopeful. Sherlock nodded, trying to absorb this new information.

"Yes, very." Then he smiled. "Let's try again..." John grinned but let out an involuntary groan when his lips were captured; apparently Sherlock was secretly quite passionate. This one lasted longer, and they soon had their arms around each other as their lips moved together.

John was breathless when they broke apart, blinking several times. "Damn...I never thought you would be so...you certainly put effort into everything you do."

Sherlock's cheeks coloured and he looked away, still holding John close to him. It felt good to be able to do this at last; like they were a perfect fit. "Well, I..."

"Are you blushing?" John asked, peering at him. "Oh, Sherlock...come here..." He pulled his friend into a hug, feeling happier than he had in two years. "I love you."

Sherlock looked at him and felt an inexplicable tranquillity; everything was right within their world now. "I...love you too..." he said softly, and pulled his doctor closer.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

A little while later, the pair of them were on the couch together. John had already sent a text to Harry, letting her know that they weren't to be disturbed. He was aware of the fact that Sherlock had very little idea of what to do, so he wanted this time to show his friend how nice it was to just sit and relax.

As it was, he had coaxed Sherlock to sit against the back of the couch and was leaning against him, arm around his flat stomach. Sherlock really should eat more, he thought; maybe he could get that into the detective's head.

"So what's the purpose of this?" Sherlock asked him, looking around in confusion. "What exactly are we doing?"

John looked up at him. "Sherlock...have you never...you know...cuddled on the couch with someone?" he asked. "Never?"

"I've never had a relationship," Sherlock reminded him.

"You didn't even do this with your mother when you were a kid?"

Sherlock shook his head. "No. My parents were not particularly affectionate. I'm sure you can see that in myself and Mycroft."

"You've changed," John pointed out softly. "I think you have, anyway." He then smiled. "What we're doing now is something that all couples do. The ones that love each other, anyway." He gave a gentle squeeze. "Even you have to admit that this feels good."

Sherlock thought about it; there was some sense to what John was saying. He did feel rather relaxed despite not being focused on a case. Usually he hated not working, but this...it calmed him. Perhaps John could give him something new to focus on. "Well...it has its merits," he agreed, nodding.

"Good," John said, and then he rose up to kiss his friend. Sherlock's lips were surprisingly soft, which he hadn't really expected. But then again, Sherlock kept surprising him. The way he was kissing back right now...John could tell that he was making every effort to learn as much as he could. It was clear that Sherlock wanted to make the effort, and he appreciated that. "You're a natural at this, you know," he said when they broke apart.

Sherlock shrugged. "It's easy enough to pick up. But...the feelings I get when you kiss me...they're unusual. I can't describe it properly, but...it's the same feeling I get when I have a case, or when...I used to do drugs."

"It's adrenaline," John told him. "And it's perfectly normal." Feeling a bit more confident, he pressed his lips to Sherlock's exposed neck and planted a kiss there. "I know I've never told you this before, but...you're very attractive, Sherlock. Not just with your looks, but...everything about you. I can't help but think about how much I want with you..."

"You mean...intercourse?" Sherlock asked cautiously. Part of him did want to go to that level with John, but he had no idea of what to expect from it. He knew that John would be able to help him, though.

"Well, yeah," John admitted. "I do want that...do you?"

"Yes," Sherlock replied, nodding. "But I will admit I am at a loss as to how to go about it."

"Don't worry," John assured him. "I'll help you. And there's always the internet if we need information. But nothing has to happen until we're both ready. I know we're not there yet, Sherlock. It's too soon."

"Absolutely. I think we should...get to know each other in this context before we can...go to that level. They say that people need to know each other before crossing that line. Otherwise, if they do it too soon...they break up. I don't want that."

"God, me neither. I've wanted this for so long...don't wanna lose it now." John smiled up at his partner. "We'll take it slowly, at our own pace until we're ready to go further."

"Sounds like a good plan." Sherlock smiled a little; he couldn't help it when John was looking at him with such love. It was infectious and while he didn't understand all of it, he liked it. Maybe that was normal.

They kissed a few more times and John's hand found its way to the hole between two buttons of Sherlock's shirt. The detective squirmed when he felt John's touch.

"What?" John asked, alarmed that he scared his friend. Sherlock shook his head.

"I just...your fingers are cold..." he explained, his cheeks colouring. John grinned.

"Are you ticklish?" he asked, seeing Sherlock going redder. "Oh my God, Sherlock...I never would have guessed..."

"Don't you dare," Sherlock warned when John's look turned wicked. Before he could protest further, John had used his considerable strength to pin him down and was tickling him. John had never really heard Sherlock laugh a lot before, and it was music to his ears. He enjoyed seeing the man he loved so happy.

He eventually had mercy on his helpless flatmate, smiling down at him. "It's nice to see you like this," he said softly, taking Sherlock's hands. "When you're not worrying about things. It's good to see you...acting normal, you know?"

Sherlock nodded, smiling up at him. "It feels good, being like this with you. Good to relax, I suppose."

"Yep." John sank down and lay on top of him, head on his chest. He felt Sherlock's hand wander to the wound on his shoulder and looked up at him. "It's okay, if you want to see it..."

He allowed Sherlock to pull his shirt down from his shoulder and look at the wound. It was a blemish on his doctor's skin that he hated for being there. He felt a protective surge run through him and looked into John's eyes.

"John...I promise you that I'll do everything I can to make sure that nothing like that happens to you ever again," he said in a rush, trying not to trip over his words. John was truly touched by this, and he brought their lips together once more.

"You can't promise it won't, but I appreciate what you're saying," he replied. "I love you too, Sherlock."


End file.
